No, I was not seating on my ass looking at the snow falling, no not at all. In fact, I have been kidnapped by the M’s army, the Marmy as we call them in my profession. Yes I swear it is true ( it swear….ish) And you know it is a difficult job, very dangerous. What they did this time, is torture me in the hope that I was going to give your names but I did NOT, I swear, maybe something to do with the fact that I don’t know them.
Anyway after trying to extract information from me, they then tried to bribe me, offering large amount of money for me to stop writing about them, did I accept… No of course… in fact yes for a couple of weeks and then my conscious took over and I had to come back here and talk to you all friends ( yes that would be me then!)
So M in the snow, do you need special tires or do you have to expect delays?
NO it is still very slippery and easy to crash on completely unexpected obstacles. Key characteristic of M is like participating to Holidays on Ice bear foot…. The snow is just adding some unexpected weirdness. It is even stranger all these photos of the summer holidays. Guys/Ladies are you sometime taking picture of yourself somewhere else than on the beach or next to some ruin? Please some originality here, you all want smart people with a sense of humour, so please think of the rare funny and clever guy/girl (sorry I forgot he/she is also good looking of course) who is going to consult your profile. You are putting a lot of effort on writing a nice self ad (we have already covered this subject – Hello again Ugly Punishment)…but your photos….Please, your ex taking a picture of you on the beach is a nice though….but does not related to the day to day of snowy winter and even the place, it is M after all!!!
So try one photo of you falling on the slippery pavement, or while you taking a picture of your car for the insurance, take a spare one of you nearly smiling.
Talking of which, it is December, I should have done an advent calendar, could have been fun.
lundi 21 décembre 2009
mardi 8 décembre 2009
Father xmas where are you.
Xmas is coming soon, the wind is bla bla … you get the picture. But it is also time of xmas party at work and even for those who are still managing to have social life despite M, you may go the club event or meet with group to celebrate.
For me who spending my first xmas on M, and last, I am not aware of the custom. Are we all going to a party somewhere the 100 000 of us (this is a low estimate) or are we setting up a virtual party online? Surely some of you know, and who is organising. Who is sending the invite?
Of course all this questions in my mind are just because I am concerned that I have been forgotten , I would like so much to exchange a virtual cracker, put my virtual hat and wish you all one by one a very happy xmas. Of course as in any xmas party we will bitch about the boss but as I am doing it semi professionally on this blog in the first place I would be super fine.
Would be so fun to see how our friend Bob from accounting….oups, sorry does not work here…..Would be so fun to see how our friend Bob_3453 from the 35-40 age bracket is getting drunk online and start flirting with all the ladies….oups sorry again, I have the feeling that for the ladies around they have already experienced this one, in fact I am guessing that it is a regular occurance on M.
For those concerned about my comments above, yes! please! remember it is just 4 lines above. Yes I am not planning more than one xmas here. Yes it is fun but I feel you have to do it for a limited amount of time, like drinking too much of M can be bad for your health.
For me who spending my first xmas on M, and last, I am not aware of the custom. Are we all going to a party somewhere the 100 000 of us (this is a low estimate) or are we setting up a virtual party online? Surely some of you know, and who is organising. Who is sending the invite?
Of course all this questions in my mind are just because I am concerned that I have been forgotten , I would like so much to exchange a virtual cracker, put my virtual hat and wish you all one by one a very happy xmas. Of course as in any xmas party we will bitch about the boss but as I am doing it semi professionally on this blog in the first place I would be super fine.
Would be so fun to see how our friend Bob from accounting….oups, sorry does not work here…..Would be so fun to see how our friend Bob_3453 from the 35-40 age bracket is getting drunk online and start flirting with all the ladies….oups sorry again, I have the feeling that for the ladies around they have already experienced this one, in fact I am guessing that it is a regular occurance on M.
For those concerned about my comments above, yes! please! remember it is just 4 lines above. Yes I am not planning more than one xmas here. Yes it is fun but I feel you have to do it for a limited amount of time, like drinking too much of M can be bad for your health.
vendredi 4 décembre 2009
The beast
Let’s talk about the beast, Meetic or M as I like to call it.
Created in 2001, floated on the stock market in 2005, € 135 M turn over (this is my, your Euro!) 170 employees, absorb Match.com in June this years….. Do you want to know more… No really?
No, I understand these are scary numbers, we are fighting a big corporate (mmh I like the idea!).
Of course this presentation is a little bit less romantic than the PR material but hey, there is a business behind it, can you imagine being the CFO of M, you go at a dinner party “so what are you doing? Oh I am a CFO – Really which company? –Meetic - ………”
You better to come with your wife and she is better not to be 20 years younger than you and blonde!
God, can you imagine this 170 employees going to work in the morning! What a strange feeling, what do you do in life? I help people to meet their partner (and this is the civilized part of M... I am not capable to imagine the more sordid part)
So to the M employees, Don t take it personally, you are just having a job like us, but the company you are working for is very bizarre. If employees have comments you are welcome!
Created in 2001, floated on the stock market in 2005, € 135 M turn over (this is my, your Euro!) 170 employees, absorb Match.com in June this years….. Do you want to know more… No really?
No, I understand these are scary numbers, we are fighting a big corporate (mmh I like the idea!).
Of course this presentation is a little bit less romantic than the PR material but hey, there is a business behind it, can you imagine being the CFO of M, you go at a dinner party “so what are you doing? Oh I am a CFO – Really which company? –Meetic - ………”
You better to come with your wife and she is better not to be 20 years younger than you and blonde!
God, can you imagine this 170 employees going to work in the morning! What a strange feeling, what do you do in life? I help people to meet their partner (and this is the civilized part of M... I am not capable to imagine the more sordid part)
So to the M employees, Don t take it personally, you are just having a job like us, but the company you are working for is very bizarre. If employees have comments you are welcome!
mercredi 2 décembre 2009
It is time to expend the Empire after all my successful commercial venture: Clinic, Advertising, Games, we will know provide a service of private investigation. This is not match maker type of service at all this is proper investigation.
Imagine you meet a nice man from Meetic, you want to know if he is lying to you, if we stopped playing on Meetic, for a very large fee (yes camels again) we will investigate him, my fully train team will even set up trap to catch the bad guys or girls. Yes ethic is not big on us we have no shame and will go to any extreme to bring you back proof of the twisted mind, even if we have to create the proof from scratch
How funny is this life, you tell me: you meet somebody online and the immediate expectation is you are not going online again, I am not talking from personal experience here but I was in private consultation yesterday with somebody who seemed to have find a great guy (yes yes it seems that there are some and no no it is not me! – note to myself: should I be upset about that?) and the question pop up: shall we be concerned if this guy is online. I could not investigate myself because although my multi personality disorder pushed me to create 1453 profiles, it seems that I don’t have gender disorder and I have created only male profiles. But you can see now where the lucrative idea came from and why I needed to set up a board meeting today at Meeticisbadforyou Inc.
However our initial research shows that a lot of persons are not over bother about partnership and are fairly happy to find friendship (be aware, that the worst meeting are in fact when there are mismatch in term of expectation between a person looking for friendship and person looking for something else), therefore some people will carry on their initial discussion.
However the general convention is you can talk to anybody and spend as much time as you want on Meetic, but if you meet somebody face to face and are planning to see him/her again, you should not go back on Meetic (make sure you have email address of mobile before!)
So explain!
Imagine you meet a nice man from Meetic, you want to know if he is lying to you, if we stopped playing on Meetic, for a very large fee (yes camels again) we will investigate him, my fully train team will even set up trap to catch the bad guys or girls. Yes ethic is not big on us we have no shame and will go to any extreme to bring you back proof of the twisted mind, even if we have to create the proof from scratch
How funny is this life, you tell me: you meet somebody online and the immediate expectation is you are not going online again, I am not talking from personal experience here but I was in private consultation yesterday with somebody who seemed to have find a great guy (yes yes it seems that there are some and no no it is not me! – note to myself: should I be upset about that?) and the question pop up: shall we be concerned if this guy is online. I could not investigate myself because although my multi personality disorder pushed me to create 1453 profiles, it seems that I don’t have gender disorder and I have created only male profiles. But you can see now where the lucrative idea came from and why I needed to set up a board meeting today at Meeticisbadforyou Inc.
However our initial research shows that a lot of persons are not over bother about partnership and are fairly happy to find friendship (be aware, that the worst meeting are in fact when there are mismatch in term of expectation between a person looking for friendship and person looking for something else), therefore some people will carry on their initial discussion.
However the general convention is you can talk to anybody and spend as much time as you want on Meetic, but if you meet somebody face to face and are planning to see him/her again, you should not go back on Meetic (make sure you have email address of mobile before!)
So explain!
dimanche 29 novembre 2009
I need to declare that this is not The Osbournes here or Big Brother, you will not get much information on who I meet and what we did, I am sure I can find you a blog or two of this type: where you get a full description of what happen.. Just the thought scare me! In fact I have already and I dont want to go back there, please don t make me go back!
No I am a shy guy and will keep myself to myself.... No just kiding, I am shy but I will not able to keep myself to mysel it is too much fun but I will not share with you grusome details.
What I can tell you is that despite all the stories, I did not meet any crazy people.
And I enjoyed the conversation, OK I may not have met enough people... Maybe the crazy ones are lurking in the background waiting to create the perfect nightmare (if you had a date with me, you dont need to comment that it was a nightmare for you thank you very much!)
No I am a shy guy and will keep myself to myself.... No just kiding, I am shy but I will not able to keep myself to mysel it is too much fun but I will not share with you grusome details.
What I can tell you is that despite all the stories, I did not meet any crazy people.
And I enjoyed the conversation, OK I may not have met enough people... Maybe the crazy ones are lurking in the background waiting to create the perfect nightmare (if you had a date with me, you dont need to comment that it was a nightmare for you thank you very much!)
vendredi 27 novembre 2009
Did God meet Marie on Meetic?
Yes I see you with your big smile thinking “here we are”. No, no it is a genuine question and I have to said the historian don t spend enough time investigating this one.
OK you did not hear much of me lately and yes I took my cowboy hat and my whip and travel the world to find the answer.
And first finding, God does not exist… could not find him….but that is much too profound for this blog. A point though God is clever, as proving a negative is nearly impossible (they are very good mathematic manuals explaining why… and it is certainly not a discussion we should start here…not that I can)
So yes they met on Meetic and here is in fact the transcript of God’s self ad. “Girls, I know t is going to feel a little pretentious but I am the best thing ever, I can create river, countries and even Universe… I am less in cooking though.
I will make you so happy (ok I can also make you the most miserable person in the world and keep you there for a while). All you desire will be realised, as long as you are not hoping to eat to much, have sex, you don’t want to feel good about yourself, or to be free to feel upset and couple of other minor stuff. Basically as long as all you care about is me you are going to be fine…. Maybe not immediately but later.
I am looking for somebody with a fairly small brain, who can take a vast quantity of pain and is happy to be paid back later, maybe even in an other life.
And yes I want children, one, I need to make him work instead of me because I cannot be bothered and anyway with my grey beard it is not good for the marketing; I need somebody younger to do my job.”
True, I have confirmation done by Meetic themselves. In fact since Meetic never remove any profile because, like that, they can claim more members, you can go and visit it yourself. Do you want to know His pseudo?
Please ask….
Ok then it pseudo is... (two camels please , it is top quality info therefore i am selling it; and I can see all of you rushing to get a meeting within him)
Funny enough in more than 2000 years he has been “blink to” only twice!
We have the exchange of emails but this is for an other posting if you really ask.
OK you did not hear much of me lately and yes I took my cowboy hat and my whip and travel the world to find the answer.
And first finding, God does not exist… could not find him….but that is much too profound for this blog. A point though God is clever, as proving a negative is nearly impossible (they are very good mathematic manuals explaining why… and it is certainly not a discussion we should start here…not that I can)
So yes they met on Meetic and here is in fact the transcript of God’s self ad. “Girls, I know t is going to feel a little pretentious but I am the best thing ever, I can create river, countries and even Universe… I am less in cooking though.
I will make you so happy (ok I can also make you the most miserable person in the world and keep you there for a while). All you desire will be realised, as long as you are not hoping to eat to much, have sex, you don’t want to feel good about yourself, or to be free to feel upset and couple of other minor stuff. Basically as long as all you care about is me you are going to be fine…. Maybe not immediately but later.
I am looking for somebody with a fairly small brain, who can take a vast quantity of pain and is happy to be paid back later, maybe even in an other life.
And yes I want children, one, I need to make him work instead of me because I cannot be bothered and anyway with my grey beard it is not good for the marketing; I need somebody younger to do my job.”
True, I have confirmation done by Meetic themselves. In fact since Meetic never remove any profile because, like that, they can claim more members, you can go and visit it yourself. Do you want to know His pseudo?
Please ask….
Ok then it pseudo is... (two camels please , it is top quality info therefore i am selling it; and I can see all of you rushing to get a meeting within him)
Funny enough in more than 2000 years he has been “blink to” only twice!
We have the exchange of emails but this is for an other posting if you really ask.
dimanche 22 novembre 2009
Go on go on go on!!!
Hello all of you, the 22 million 600 thousand reading this blog every week... ok maybe more the 3 of you if i am lucky (including me); you can now leave anonymus message so go on go on go on!!!
I am doing all the work here but you have as much (if not much more) wisdom than me, so share it with us, it will make us stronger against the evil.
PS: Personal message to myself then, much better tonight i am on Everything but The Girl (no nothing to do with meetic, this is the group)
I am doing all the work here but you have as much (if not much more) wisdom than me, so share it with us, it will make us stronger against the evil.
PS: Personal message to myself then, much better tonight i am on Everything but The Girl (no nothing to do with meetic, this is the group)
samedi 21 novembre 2009
Message about nothing
Just to give you a quick update, all the team is super cool (that must be why I have Rage Against The Machine blasting in my hears!). The experience is so much to take that we are currently collecting intelligence e for a massive attack. (if i carry on writing like that, i am going to end up on some CIA database and wonder why i cant get a visa for the US)
Just a little warning while i am talking about nothing:
1) No animals have been harmed in the making of this blog (just in case you were wondering, I don t play football with cats for inspiration
2) Any resemblance to existing people or pseudo will be absolutely fortuity (mmmm, i doubt on this one, but dont expect a journal of what I am doing, not me.
I have investigated the competition, and god, it is so gross, i found one blog call « I fuck on meetic » god why mate?, and more to the point who give a shit (so no, dont expect me to provide you with the link to this lovely place!))
3) Forhope Inc declines any responsibility for the advice given on this blog or by its employees. I am sorry but I am like you I have no fucking clue what I am doing on meetic. It is a bizarre experience for sure and I am certainly fascinated by the all new medium but I am just a normal guy, no more (sorry for those who relied so heavily on DL)
4) if you are a believer, better run away because i am going to go after god and his team at some point. Why? Dont know just feel like he is responsible for meetic (Ok meetic was created in 2001 and introduce on the stock market in 2005, so maybe not do responsible) and obviously god has to be responsible as this is an other one of the half done job.
Ok I have to go my little one who is waiting for me to play circuit de bille (sorry dont have the vocabulary to translate but just assume a game for a 5 year old).
Sorry for all the swearing, this must be the influence of RATM.
Just a little warning while i am talking about nothing:
1) No animals have been harmed in the making of this blog (just in case you were wondering, I don t play football with cats for inspiration
2) Any resemblance to existing people or pseudo will be absolutely fortuity (mmmm, i doubt on this one, but dont expect a journal of what I am doing, not me.
I have investigated the competition, and god, it is so gross, i found one blog call « I fuck on meetic » god why mate?, and more to the point who give a shit (so no, dont expect me to provide you with the link to this lovely place!))
3) Forhope Inc declines any responsibility for the advice given on this blog or by its employees. I am sorry but I am like you I have no fucking clue what I am doing on meetic. It is a bizarre experience for sure and I am certainly fascinated by the all new medium but I am just a normal guy, no more (sorry for those who relied so heavily on DL)
4) if you are a believer, better run away because i am going to go after god and his team at some point. Why? Dont know just feel like he is responsible for meetic (Ok meetic was created in 2001 and introduce on the stock market in 2005, so maybe not do responsible) and obviously god has to be responsible as this is an other one of the half done job.
Ok I have to go my little one who is waiting for me to play circuit de bille (sorry dont have the vocabulary to translate but just assume a game for a 5 year old).
Sorry for all the swearing, this must be the influence of RATM.
mercredi 18 novembre 2009
The Clinic is on!!!!!!!!!!
The Clinic is full steam on!!!... Yesterday, off line….OK off this line but on an other one, somebody who is going for her first first date this Friday asked me a very important question “How to manage the first date?” For those who wonder what the Clinic is, have a look at the posting “Clinic” (if I was a techy I will put a link, but I am useless with a computer, help welcome)
Obviously Doctor Love (Damn!! I really need to find an other name , this one is seriously shit, again help welcome) is already known on the world wide web. So me and my team started to work out the best treatment (imagine Doctor House and his team…ish).
Ok I will not spend too much time on what we all know: find a safe place.
Yes, there are a lot of very weird people on Meetic (“Hello, Mister Socks, how are you doing?”) and therefore a safe place is paramount, just in case you did not know, your house is not a safe place.
Now, to the more useful advice, the best date is a short one, at least for the first one.
So going for a dinner on Friday night could lead to a lot of very difficult situations:
-Situation one, your date is super boring, how are you going to stay alive for the next 3 hours?
-Situation two, your date is scary, how are you going to stay alive after the three hours?
-Situation three, your date is OK but seems to want to “do” much more than you would like to (of course, the person asking for advice here is part of the respectable ones who don’t want to have sex on the first night (she did not find it funny at all when I suggested to have nice knickers! – I was joking!)) . So how to exit after three hours?
No the suggestion is instead to go for a short café or even lunch break, propose a 30 min date. Make a good excuse, to leave early, if you like what you are seeing stay 45 min this will send a strong message that you are interested, don’t stay 2 hours because that will just send the message that you were bluffing. If you don’t like what your are seeing that make the pain short lived and you can forget about it quickly…If you still can’t: you had a traumatic experience, come to the Clinic we will talk.
For the lunch break date, this is OK for the first date, but not to be repeated in subsequent dates, I don t know how you are on your lunch break but it is usually not the right "spirit to connect, especially if you are having an appraisal to do in the morning, a client pitch in the afternoon, with a big deadline looming –you get the idea.
Short meeting of course, can be gently altered if your date is travelling 700 km to see you. I am not a big fan of this type of date but if you are, I think 30 min can be on the short side. (“yes, my Russian friend, this is the only reason why we did not meet!”)
You’ve set the time line, you are in a safe place, all cool. What would you talk about? Not the subject of this posting, but expect to talk about your experience on Meetic.
The alternative, to a short date, is an action pack and natural date….what?
Ok, let me explain, try to engineer a meeting where you could in fact genuinely meet somebody. For example, my local Ping Pong club do open days, where outsiders can come and play with different people. You could make your meeting look like a normal one! Amazing… OK Ping Pong is a bit "niche" but you could try with something else. And rather than talking for 30 min about Meetic, you can do something that you both enjoy. Both, because again we are responding to the request above: we are talking of standard date here.
In both cases, short or natural date, this allows you to break the ice and at least the next time you meet can look more like old friends meeting again (if you dont forget to collect some basic information about him/her!).
Yes , yes , this is a serious comment, dont look so surprise!
I am so sure that we are defining the standard of webdating, I like the idea that in the near future people on chat will say “What type of guy are you? – I am a DL type”….Yes I said it before: not megalo at all!
Please your comments and experience welcome, and don’t expect update about this date on Friday, this is private matter and I am not sure I own the IP on it.
Obviously Doctor Love (Damn!! I really need to find an other name , this one is seriously shit, again help welcome) is already known on the world wide web. So me and my team started to work out the best treatment (imagine Doctor House and his team…ish).
Ok I will not spend too much time on what we all know: find a safe place.
Yes, there are a lot of very weird people on Meetic (“Hello, Mister Socks, how are you doing?”) and therefore a safe place is paramount, just in case you did not know, your house is not a safe place.
Now, to the more useful advice, the best date is a short one, at least for the first one.
So going for a dinner on Friday night could lead to a lot of very difficult situations:
-Situation one, your date is super boring, how are you going to stay alive for the next 3 hours?
-Situation two, your date is scary, how are you going to stay alive after the three hours?
-Situation three, your date is OK but seems to want to “do” much more than you would like to (of course, the person asking for advice here is part of the respectable ones who don’t want to have sex on the first night (she did not find it funny at all when I suggested to have nice knickers! – I was joking!)) . So how to exit after three hours?
No the suggestion is instead to go for a short café or even lunch break, propose a 30 min date. Make a good excuse, to leave early, if you like what you are seeing stay 45 min this will send a strong message that you are interested, don’t stay 2 hours because that will just send the message that you were bluffing. If you don’t like what your are seeing that make the pain short lived and you can forget about it quickly…If you still can’t: you had a traumatic experience, come to the Clinic we will talk.
For the lunch break date, this is OK for the first date, but not to be repeated in subsequent dates, I don t know how you are on your lunch break but it is usually not the right "spirit to connect, especially if you are having an appraisal to do in the morning, a client pitch in the afternoon, with a big deadline looming –you get the idea.
Short meeting of course, can be gently altered if your date is travelling 700 km to see you. I am not a big fan of this type of date but if you are, I think 30 min can be on the short side. (“yes, my Russian friend, this is the only reason why we did not meet!”)
You’ve set the time line, you are in a safe place, all cool. What would you talk about? Not the subject of this posting, but expect to talk about your experience on Meetic.
The alternative, to a short date, is an action pack and natural date….what?
Ok, let me explain, try to engineer a meeting where you could in fact genuinely meet somebody. For example, my local Ping Pong club do open days, where outsiders can come and play with different people. You could make your meeting look like a normal one! Amazing… OK Ping Pong is a bit "niche" but you could try with something else. And rather than talking for 30 min about Meetic, you can do something that you both enjoy. Both, because again we are responding to the request above: we are talking of standard date here.
In both cases, short or natural date, this allows you to break the ice and at least the next time you meet can look more like old friends meeting again (if you dont forget to collect some basic information about him/her!).
Yes , yes , this is a serious comment, dont look so surprise!
I am so sure that we are defining the standard of webdating, I like the idea that in the near future people on chat will say “What type of guy are you? – I am a DL type”….Yes I said it before: not megalo at all!
Please your comments and experience welcome, and don’t expect update about this date on Friday, this is private matter and I am not sure I own the IP on it.
lundi 16 novembre 2009
How not to start your ad
I am going to provide training; this is an advance training, Virgin, sit and watch.
The training will cover today the ad, this is a key element of your profile, nearly more important than the photos, or let’s face it, everybody will tell you it is more important than the photos but everybody will be lying! Yes I have done the test, profile impact is directly correlated to your photo, so stop kidding yourself please!.
But working on your photo will require that I master the skills of make up artist and I am afraid this is just too much for me, so let focus on the second most important part of your profile. You can get clever advice from Meetic, suggesting you should try to be funny, as a professional having studied for years the subject, I will strongly suggest us to not follow this advice; If I was a nasty bastard I will show you examples when this strategy did back fire, instead since I am a nasty bastard, I will just show you example of what not to do…. I am not that nasty, so don’t expect me to lash out on any of my fellow comrade (except you Mister Socks, yes your time is coming!)
So don’t follow shit advice (mmm that may include mine!)
Some simple tips here
1 –DON’T START LIKE THAT
"Have just joined up and am really not sure what to put here"
"What can I say about myself "
"Hi, I hate this kind of stuff, talking about myself"
"Right, where to start?? I have had this site recommended to me by a few people"
"I can't really say why I am doing this,"
This is why you are here and not on Meetic right now, we know it is difficult, let have a tap on the shoulder for all of us: you are doing good guys even you, the example above, but let’s try something more to the point maybe, don’t forget this is pure marketing, I know we all want to send a clear message that we are not doing that for a living… I get the point, but let’s try something more accurate, I don’t know, describing your bedroom ( I’ve seen it) or your kitchen could be more adventurous,as you can see, I really don’t know, who am I to tell you. I know what “not to do” but for what “to do” look else where. If anybody turns up here, please your comments welcome.
2 –BUT DON’T DO THAT NEITHER
What I would suggest is don’t do that neither "I am well groomed", I am sorry it is maybe my French origin but I dont get it, it thought you were grooming horses only, sorry Miss X ( we will not use her real pseudo, we are not here to point finger) could you explain to me, what a good grooming involve? And is it the first information I want on you?
3-AND CERTAINLY NOT THAT!!!
Ok now, Mister Socks (we are not using is real pseudo….but a search by key word should give you very good results), I am sorry but it so much what you should not do that I am going to put your entire message here. For those of you who don’t speak French I am sorry and will provide you with some explanation, but I would say, this message only is a good reason to learn French! Jesus! (yes Jesus it is your fault somehow!) It is so much what not to do “Je n'ai pas envie de grand discour, ni de long blabla, mais bien de rencontrer la chaussette qui fera la paire. Faisons connaissance et cela sen toute simplicité, je suis sérieuse et recherche une petite chaussette sérieuse. (...) Je recherche cette petite nana pour casser la solitude tout simplement, la lumière du jour après la pénombre. On me dis plein de charme à ce qu'il parais ??? Lol. Et très conservé hihihi... J'ai récemment rencontré qq un via meetic. La personne ne correspondait pas du tout à son profil. Ce fut évidemment une perte de temps. Le moindre mensonge m'horripile. Si vous avez également tendance à maquiller la vérité, ne venez pas visiter mon profil. Il ne vous interrèssera pas. (....)
PS: Femmes de pays en dehors de la Belgique passé au profil suivant!"
Ok for the quick translation (thanks google translation)
“I do not want big speeches or long blabla, but to meet the sock will make a pair. Let us know and sen it easy, I'm serious and looking for a little sock serious. (...) I am looking for this little chick breaking loneliness simply daylight after the darkness. They told I have plenty of charm, it seem?? Lol. And highly conserved hihihi ... I recently met somebody via Meetic. The person did not correspond at all to her profile. This was obviously a waste of time. The slightest deception gives me the creeps. If you also tend to disguise the truth, do not come visit my profile. It do not interresser. (....)
PS: Women of countries outside the United States passed the following profile"
[message to Google: Belgique and US are two different countries, I know it is a bit confusing Google, this world with all these coountries, it will be so more simple if we were all US citizen but for the time being we are not]
Ok Sock man, a least we know what you don’t want!! I am sorry I am nearly speechless. All I can do if anybody, I say anybody, is interested by Mister Sock, please please let me know, I will first confirm to you that you are mad, then I will be delighted to pass your information to Mister Sock. We will try to follow Mister Sock progress in the future.
So lots of very good advices here (ish) but working together we will become more powerful or not but who cares anyway. Virgin (Meetic Virgin I want to stress) I will come back with more basic training later on.
The training will cover today the ad, this is a key element of your profile, nearly more important than the photos, or let’s face it, everybody will tell you it is more important than the photos but everybody will be lying! Yes I have done the test, profile impact is directly correlated to your photo, so stop kidding yourself please!.
But working on your photo will require that I master the skills of make up artist and I am afraid this is just too much for me, so let focus on the second most important part of your profile. You can get clever advice from Meetic, suggesting you should try to be funny, as a professional having studied for years the subject, I will strongly suggest us to not follow this advice; If I was a nasty bastard I will show you examples when this strategy did back fire, instead since I am a nasty bastard, I will just show you example of what not to do…. I am not that nasty, so don’t expect me to lash out on any of my fellow comrade (except you Mister Socks, yes your time is coming!)
So don’t follow shit advice (mmm that may include mine!)
Some simple tips here
1 –DON’T START LIKE THAT
"Have just joined up and am really not sure what to put here"
"What can I say about myself "
"Hi, I hate this kind of stuff, talking about myself"
"Right, where to start?? I have had this site recommended to me by a few people"
"I can't really say why I am doing this,"
This is why you are here and not on Meetic right now, we know it is difficult, let have a tap on the shoulder for all of us: you are doing good guys even you, the example above, but let’s try something more to the point maybe, don’t forget this is pure marketing, I know we all want to send a clear message that we are not doing that for a living… I get the point, but let’s try something more accurate, I don’t know, describing your bedroom ( I’ve seen it) or your kitchen could be more adventurous,as you can see, I really don’t know, who am I to tell you. I know what “not to do” but for what “to do” look else where. If anybody turns up here, please your comments welcome.
2 –BUT DON’T DO THAT NEITHER
What I would suggest is don’t do that neither "I am well groomed", I am sorry it is maybe my French origin but I dont get it, it thought you were grooming horses only, sorry Miss X ( we will not use her real pseudo, we are not here to point finger) could you explain to me, what a good grooming involve? And is it the first information I want on you?
3-AND CERTAINLY NOT THAT!!!
Ok now, Mister Socks (we are not using is real pseudo….but a search by key word should give you very good results), I am sorry but it so much what you should not do that I am going to put your entire message here. For those of you who don’t speak French I am sorry and will provide you with some explanation, but I would say, this message only is a good reason to learn French! Jesus! (yes Jesus it is your fault somehow!) It is so much what not to do “Je n'ai pas envie de grand discour, ni de long blabla, mais bien de rencontrer la chaussette qui fera la paire. Faisons connaissance et cela sen toute simplicité, je suis sérieuse et recherche une petite chaussette sérieuse. (...) Je recherche cette petite nana pour casser la solitude tout simplement, la lumière du jour après la pénombre. On me dis plein de charme à ce qu'il parais ??? Lol. Et très conservé hihihi... J'ai récemment rencontré qq un via meetic. La personne ne correspondait pas du tout à son profil. Ce fut évidemment une perte de temps. Le moindre mensonge m'horripile. Si vous avez également tendance à maquiller la vérité, ne venez pas visiter mon profil. Il ne vous interrèssera pas. (....)
PS: Femmes de pays en dehors de la Belgique passé au profil suivant!"
Ok for the quick translation (thanks google translation)
“I do not want big speeches or long blabla, but to meet the sock will make a pair. Let us know and sen it easy, I'm serious and looking for a little sock serious. (...) I am looking for this little chick breaking loneliness simply daylight after the darkness. They told I have plenty of charm, it seem?? Lol. And highly conserved hihihi ... I recently met somebody via Meetic. The person did not correspond at all to her profile. This was obviously a waste of time. The slightest deception gives me the creeps. If you also tend to disguise the truth, do not come visit my profile. It do not interresser. (....)
PS: Women of countries outside the United States passed the following profile"
[message to Google: Belgique and US are two different countries, I know it is a bit confusing Google, this world with all these coountries, it will be so more simple if we were all US citizen but for the time being we are not]
Ok Sock man, a least we know what you don’t want!! I am sorry I am nearly speechless. All I can do if anybody, I say anybody, is interested by Mister Sock, please please let me know, I will first confirm to you that you are mad, then I will be delighted to pass your information to Mister Sock. We will try to follow Mister Sock progress in the future.
So lots of very good advices here (ish) but working together we will become more powerful or not but who cares anyway. Virgin (Meetic Virgin I want to stress) I will come back with more basic training later on.
samedi 14 novembre 2009
Meetic Virgin Welcome
For those of you who wonder what the fxxxk we are talking about here, I feel compel to provide you with some explanation.
I am going to take you through gently because you could end up seriously traumatize.
Sometime before the 21st century I was like you in a normal relationship, all was good, we met face to face a while ago, in a classic way, discussed in bars and at our work place and end up together, not a computer in sight (Ok just to stress, I am not that old, computer did exist even internet but not in human relationship). You get the idea guys?
For those who try to follow, bear with me because it is going to become very complicate – thing you have never imagine: a parallel universe.
Now sometime in the 21st century, I lost what make me, and after, to put it mildly, a time of reflection, I am here and thinking OK, let meet new people.
And this is when I woke up to the 21st century. You dont meet people face to face anymore, you have to use this omnipresent boxes call computer.
Still no idea what I am talking about? OK, what you need to do today to meet somebody it is logging on a computer, gives you credit card detail. No, no this is not for meeting professional, you give you credit card just to meet normal people. When you thing about it , it is not far from going clubbing except here you club extend to approx fifty thousand people (you can see now what it is time consuming) . As a good friend of mine who is currently losing his wife to cancer told me once « the net is like a virtual cocktail party ».
Ok so what do you find on this computer, people waiting for you inside? Mmm, not far but not really, you see clever and less clever marketing, we are basically all putting advertising about ourselves. Which in principle could seems a good idea, because that could help everybody to find likeminded people, however the fraud is that a) in some cases, people have a very « approximate » view about who they are and what they want b) in other cases they simply lie.... Again not far from in the real world. On the plus side, the big benefit of this club is you can do seating at your desk pretending you are working!
For the people who did not experience it, I am guessing that you are not much more clearer about it, but as I say, I need to be gentle with you guys, for the others please feel free to add comments.
Let me be clear straight away, for the shy people and the « happily » married one who would love to be on Meetic but are to scare to dare, I promise to provide you very exiting insight of what you find there. I will also provide guideline on what not to do. I wonder how long will we have to wait before we see proper advertising in the tube for « one day training course on how to fill in your Meetic profile » (note to myself : if short of cash, possible business venture)
I am going to take you through gently because you could end up seriously traumatize.
Sometime before the 21st century I was like you in a normal relationship, all was good, we met face to face a while ago, in a classic way, discussed in bars and at our work place and end up together, not a computer in sight (Ok just to stress, I am not that old, computer did exist even internet but not in human relationship). You get the idea guys?
For those who try to follow, bear with me because it is going to become very complicate – thing you have never imagine: a parallel universe.
Now sometime in the 21st century, I lost what make me, and after, to put it mildly, a time of reflection, I am here and thinking OK, let meet new people.
And this is when I woke up to the 21st century. You dont meet people face to face anymore, you have to use this omnipresent boxes call computer.
Still no idea what I am talking about? OK, what you need to do today to meet somebody it is logging on a computer, gives you credit card detail. No, no this is not for meeting professional, you give you credit card just to meet normal people. When you thing about it , it is not far from going clubbing except here you club extend to approx fifty thousand people (you can see now what it is time consuming) . As a good friend of mine who is currently losing his wife to cancer told me once « the net is like a virtual cocktail party ».
Ok so what do you find on this computer, people waiting for you inside? Mmm, not far but not really, you see clever and less clever marketing, we are basically all putting advertising about ourselves. Which in principle could seems a good idea, because that could help everybody to find likeminded people, however the fraud is that a) in some cases, people have a very « approximate » view about who they are and what they want b) in other cases they simply lie.... Again not far from in the real world. On the plus side, the big benefit of this club is you can do seating at your desk pretending you are working!
For the people who did not experience it, I am guessing that you are not much more clearer about it, but as I say, I need to be gentle with you guys, for the others please feel free to add comments.
Let me be clear straight away, for the shy people and the « happily » married one who would love to be on Meetic but are to scare to dare, I promise to provide you very exiting insight of what you find there. I will also provide guideline on what not to do. I wonder how long will we have to wait before we see proper advertising in the tube for « one day training course on how to fill in your Meetic profile » (note to myself : if short of cash, possible business venture)
vendredi 13 novembre 2009
Win a.... Win several camels
I have been told that you are interested only by prizes and presents and this is the reason why you are on this blog.
So to drastically improve the popularity of this blog I have decided to create a international amazing prize winning game.
Your can see that my marketing plan is very sharp. Meetic should start to be worried because in a very short while, you my friends (or my friend) will be part of a much larger network than Meetic. We will focus on smart people and it will be so easy to find your perfect partner that somebody will start a blog call “Meetic is bad for you” blog is bad for you. I am not at all megalo, no….
So the game is call “Find me on Meetic”, Ok it will be too easy for some of you, so the game is not just to find one of my profiles but the oldest profile!
Again as I said earlier, you are on an international blog, and I spent a fortune setting up profiles on every single Meetic available, for research purposes only you understand. I know my Japanese is a little rusted but who cares.
So good search, while you are looking for me in Kazakhstan, Hello all the Kazakhs!!, I will invite you to get in touch with Kazakhs people they are very fun. One day I will talk to you about my Russian friends who are a little bit scarier.
Don’ t look for meetic.kz go instead to meetic.sg the Asian version which cover Kazakhstan. Be aware there are also a lot of fake Meetic sites, these look to me even more evil that the original, trying to copy Satan itself! Shame on you (if you were able of shame) we will go after you after we re done with the Master.
On a different note, not that different as it is still marketing, when you are active chatting on Meetic… Yes there is no shame in doing it, yes go on say it, it will help you to accept who you are…If you are struggling go and visit the clinic.
So while you are chatting please pass the address of this blog to your friends. I know this all about my world domination plan, but friends I am building this empire for you to save you from the Satan.
We will fight and with your help we will win ( I can already see Meetic’s army of lawyers at HQ shaking!)
So to drastically improve the popularity of this blog I have decided to create a international amazing prize winning game.
Your can see that my marketing plan is very sharp. Meetic should start to be worried because in a very short while, you my friends (or my friend) will be part of a much larger network than Meetic. We will focus on smart people and it will be so easy to find your perfect partner that somebody will start a blog call “Meetic is bad for you” blog is bad for you. I am not at all megalo, no….
So the game is call “Find me on Meetic”, Ok it will be too easy for some of you, so the game is not just to find one of my profiles but the oldest profile!
Again as I said earlier, you are on an international blog, and I spent a fortune setting up profiles on every single Meetic available, for research purposes only you understand. I know my Japanese is a little rusted but who cares.
So good search, while you are looking for me in Kazakhstan, Hello all the Kazakhs!!, I will invite you to get in touch with Kazakhs people they are very fun. One day I will talk to you about my Russian friends who are a little bit scarier.
Don’ t look for meetic.kz go instead to meetic.sg the Asian version which cover Kazakhstan. Be aware there are also a lot of fake Meetic sites, these look to me even more evil that the original, trying to copy Satan itself! Shame on you (if you were able of shame) we will go after you after we re done with the Master.
On a different note, not that different as it is still marketing, when you are active chatting on Meetic… Yes there is no shame in doing it, yes go on say it, it will help you to accept who you are…If you are struggling go and visit the clinic.
So while you are chatting please pass the address of this blog to your friends. I know this all about my world domination plan, but friends I am building this empire for you to save you from the Satan.
We will fight and with your help we will win ( I can already see Meetic’s army of lawyers at HQ shaking!)
jeudi 12 novembre 2009
ADVERTISING
Ok on a site where we are at war against Meetic, it can seem strange but we will help you here to advertise your profile. Send us a comment below and we will find a way to create a buzz around.... YOU.
Charge will apply (yes everybody need to live), we will charge approx two camels per wife you get with our help.
Charge will apply (yes everybody need to live), we will charge approx two camels per wife you get with our help.
OK I am starting a CLINIC
If you had an experience that you need to discuss, please come to see us. Me and my team of trained Doctor will help you to understand how to engage with the other gender. Call me ... Doctor Love specialised in website.
So if you cannot get a first face to face meeting, if you dont know what to write to your target, if you dont know how to dump a nasty hunter, how to select your loved one (or ones).
Post a comment we will reply.
So if you cannot get a first face to face meeting, if you dont know what to write to your target, if you dont know how to dump a nasty hunter, how to select your loved one (or ones).
Post a comment we will reply.
Men's Pseudo...NO!!!!!!!
Ok guys here we are, I have reviewed for you, with the help of my assistant (thanks lieutenant), the lovely website and collected just for you the best of the pseudo...La crème de la crème. Ok I am sure we can do better and if somebody turn up on this blog (highly improbable) with better examples of the mankind’s creativity deployed on Meetic, please feel free (in fact I am begging you) to share it with us.
Today I will focus on men only, I have to admit, men looks much more stupid than women in their choice of pseudo, some will comments that men are more stupid full point, I am afraid, I think I will agree even if I am myself a man.
So these pseudo:
Ok let’s go with one of the best
THIRD POSITION
"Le Grand Pardon" ("The Big Apology"), I know my example are in French today….Did I tell you we are an international blog here?
Sir Le grand Pardon, I dont know what you need to apologise for but apologising before meeting the lady of your dream may not be very attractive. I can see the attractiveness from a niche marketing point of view, it is true that man do not apologise much so you will have a unique selling point but please can you not find something more exiting than an apology!
SECOND POSITION
“Vilain chatiment” (translate something like “Ugly Punishment”)
No please. even on the SM scene they were puzzled by this one. OK… OK… If you are part of the SM scene, please you don’t need to comment I am not in fact that much interested… Please I am a simple guy.
But why do you call yourself “Ugly Punishment”, I think I will organise an interview of Ugly Punishment in future posting to get to the bottom of it. (note to myself: not to talk about the “bottom of it” with Mister Ugly Punishement).
FIRST PRICE
“Thon Prince” (“Tuna Prince”)
Yes Tuna… So Ladies if you are looking for a tuna don’t look anymore we’ve got him, you just need a big tank.
You all have noticed that TonPrince will translate on Your Prince and will be much less fun, so thanks you Mister TunaPrince for helping us to demonstrate why you should not trust Meetic
Today I will focus on men only, I have to admit, men looks much more stupid than women in their choice of pseudo, some will comments that men are more stupid full point, I am afraid, I think I will agree even if I am myself a man.
So these pseudo:
Ok let’s go with one of the best
THIRD POSITION
"Le Grand Pardon" ("The Big Apology"), I know my example are in French today….Did I tell you we are an international blog here?
Sir Le grand Pardon, I dont know what you need to apologise for but apologising before meeting the lady of your dream may not be very attractive. I can see the attractiveness from a niche marketing point of view, it is true that man do not apologise much so you will have a unique selling point but please can you not find something more exiting than an apology!
SECOND POSITION
“Vilain chatiment” (translate something like “Ugly Punishment”)
No please. even on the SM scene they were puzzled by this one. OK… OK… If you are part of the SM scene, please you don’t need to comment I am not in fact that much interested… Please I am a simple guy.
But why do you call yourself “Ugly Punishment”, I think I will organise an interview of Ugly Punishment in future posting to get to the bottom of it. (note to myself: not to talk about the “bottom of it” with Mister Ugly Punishement).
FIRST PRICE
“Thon Prince” (“Tuna Prince”)
Yes Tuna… So Ladies if you are looking for a tuna don’t look anymore we’ve got him, you just need a big tank.
You all have noticed that TonPrince will translate on Your Prince and will be much less fun, so thanks you Mister TunaPrince for helping us to demonstrate why you should not trust Meetic
mardi 10 novembre 2009
I have declare war to Meetic
Why?
Why not!
This is a shit place where you meet mostly very strange people....OK there are a lot of fun ones too, but still, how much time do you need to spend to find them, would going out with friends be more difficult?...OK, it will be more difficult during working hours but that's not the point.
On this blog, I am aiming at supplying you with a vast quantity of examples why you should not trust Meetic, so friends join me in the bloody war.
Why not!
This is a shit place where you meet mostly very strange people....OK there are a lot of fun ones too, but still, how much time do you need to spend to find them, would going out with friends be more difficult?...OK, it will be more difficult during working hours but that's not the point.
On this blog, I am aiming at supplying you with a vast quantity of examples why you should not trust Meetic, so friends join me in the bloody war.
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